Jean Bailey Robor - Overcoming Excuses

Jean Bailey Robor is an international writer, speaker, comic, professional communicator, and so much more. Her book, 'She Has a Big But: Get Past Your Excuses and Realize Your Dreams' tells the stories of women who've overcome obstacles and excuses on their way to success. She is also a successful fitness coach for over 50s.

 

 

 

Website: www.JeanBaileyRobor.com

Twitter: www.twitter.com/JeanBaileyRobor

LinkedIn: www.linkedin.com/in/jeanbaileyrobor  

Facebook: www.Facebook.com/JeanBaileyRobor 

Fit After 50: www.FitAfter50TheRevolution.com 

 

 

 

 

(Transcript is a guide only and may not be 100% correct.)

 

Emily Olsen

Wherever there are shadows, there are people ready to kick at the darkness until it bleeds daylight. This is Bleeding Daylight with your host Rodney Olsen.

 

Rodney Olsen 

If you’re a regular listener to Bleeding Daylight, welcome back, if this is your first episode, please remember that you can find Bleeding Daylight on Facebook, Twitter and Instagram. Don’t forget to share this and other episodes of Bleeding Daylight to help shine even more light into the darkness.

What do you get when you cross a comic, an author , public speaker and fitness coach? You get today’s guest.

My guest today is an international writer, speaker, comic professional communicator, and so much more her book, 'She Has a Big But: Get Past Your Excuses and Realize Your Dreams' tells the stories of women who've overcome obstacles and excuses on their way to success. Jean Bailey Robor is also a successful fitness coach for over 50s. Through everything she does, it's obvious that she has a heart to see others reach their potential. Jean, welcome to Bleeding Daylight.

 

Jean Bailey Robor 

Thank you, Rodney. Thanks for inviting me to be a part of your show. I'm just so grateful to be here and thanks to all the guys that are gonna be listening and tuning in. I just appreciate this opportunity to speak to you today.

 

Rodney Olsen 

You seem to be the kind of person who's very comfortable in her own skin, happy to be in front of people.

 

Jean Bailey Robor 

Absolutely. You have pegged me exactly right because when I was growing up, I was super shy if you can believe that.That's how I was most of my life. And I realized that that was really holding me back from a lot of opportunities that, you know, would have been a lot of fun. And if I could have had more success, it took going through a really hard time in my life. You know, sometimes you have to hit rock bottom is what we say sometimes in order to start rising back to the top. And it took a really tough time in my life when I went through a divorce that was just horrific. And, you know, there was no place I could go but up. So I started listening to books on tape, you know, back in the day, they were on cassette tape, and I started listening to those as I sat at work, trying to find myself trying to, you know, dive into these self help books and there was one in particular, the author's name was Cheryl Richardson, and she mentioned something about how she learned to speak in public through Toastmasters. And I don't know if you've heard of Toastmasters Rodney, but it's an organization that teaches leadership and communication skills. And I thought, well, what the heck is that so I googled it and that was a turning point in my life Rodney because I joined a club. It's been about 15 years now and they taught me how to regain my confidence and I regained my self esteem. And I actually found out that I enjoy being in front of an audience, which in the past, that would have scared the heck out of me, you know. So it's those little steps that we take sometimes and those choices that we make, that can lead us in a whole new direction, to go to a place that we've never even dreamed of. So I got past the fear of public speaking the fear of speaking in front of people, and being able to find my own voice and speak confidently about what I believed in and found a way that hopefully I can help other people step into, you know, their purpose in life. It's just been an amazing journey.

 

Rodney Olsen 

So back in the day when you were listening to those voices on cassette at work, what did work look like? What was your job back then?

 

Jean Bailey Robor 

I was working for a lab and don't let that make you think that I know what I'm doing in the lab because I worked behind the desk. I didn't actually, you know, do the lab work. But I was working in a lab and processing specimen records. And it was sort of, you know, mundane at that point, because it was the same old, same old, but the good news was, for the introvert in me it was perfect, because I could sit in my little cubicle and not have to worry too much about interacting with people. It wasn't long that I had been there that I realized if I wanted to move up in that company at all, I was gonna have to step out of my comfort zone. And so this all came about kind of in the same time period, because I've been there about five years before I really did anything, you know, that mattered. It was just an eye opener when I found that, you know, life can be a lot more than we think it is. Sometimes we think it's you get up, go to work come home. That's it. And it's so much more than that, but we have to be intentional about it. We have to make those choices that lead us to the places where we can feel fulfilled.

 

Rodney Olsen 

You mentioned that it took you out of your comfort zone and certainly public speaking is one of those things they say, is so many people's greatest fear. You learned public speaking skills through Toastmasters but I think that comedy would turn the fear factor up to 11. You're not just speaking on a subject that you know, you're very much putting yourself on the line and trying to get a laugh. When did comedy come into the picture for you?

 

Jean Bailey Robor 

That was interesting. I'm glad you asked me because I never dreamed that I would ever become a comic that was not in the plan. Even after I became more confident and I started enjoying speaking on stage, I was giving motivational talks. I was talking about my book that you'd mentioned earlier. And I love humor and I enjoyed inserting humor into my talks, but I never thought hey, maybe you could get up there and you know be on stage like Jerry Seinfeld, or somebody. That never occurred to me, and then I went to a fundraiser in my local town, and there were three comedians, and they were holding this fundraiser to raise funds for cancer research, which is near and dear to my heart. Because, you know, we all know somebody that's been affected by cancer. And so I showed up to support them. And after the show, we started talking, and the three of them, you know, we're out there in the lobby, and we started talking to one of the guests said, Hey, you should come and go to comedy school down at the comedy zone in Charlotte. And I'm like, comedy school? What is that? And he talked about it and, and he talked about it in such terms that it made me think I at least need to go and check this out. I need to see what this is about. I had no idea that people actually went to a school or went to a classes to learn how to be funny. And it just in it made me think that maybe I can make my talks a little bit better if I go and, you know, learn a few things from these guys that are experts at it. So for seven weeks, I signed up for a course and for seven weeks I would leave work at 5pm drive to Charlotte, which was a couple hours away, get there just in time for the classes seven, and get back home at midnight. And I learned so much I hung out with people who like me were coming out of curiosity. Others were coming because they had been on the stage, but they wanted to be better. And we just meshed as a group. We were from all walks of life. It was an interesting experience. And I can remember one of the things that was such a challenge and this I found so funny, because it wasn't just a challenge for me, but for all of us. Some of us who had been on stage before but not in the comedy world. We were used to speaking with a microphone, but it was usually a fixed microphone, or something that we held in our hand while we walked around. And if you notice a lot of comedians, they start with the mic in the stand and then you know, they make it look effortless. They take it out, they take the stand and they move it around behind them. I'm telling you that was the most awkward for me was moving that stand without letting it fall over or tripping it up on my legs it was, it was the funniest thing. And it wasn't just me. And I thought, I guess the reason they're so effortless is because they've done it 100 times. And here we were doing it for the first time, I actually went on eBay and I bought myself a mic stand just so I could practice at home. The rest is really history, but it was such a great experience. And it wouldn't have happened if I hadn't shown up at that fundraiser and talk to those comedians afterwards, and found out you know, how they were going out and they were doing things like this for their communities and helping in their communities and, and using humor to do that. And I think it's such a good connection for people, when we can throw some humor even into something that's, that's maybe a little bit serious of a subject but we can insert some humor and it just, I don't know, it's like, it resonates with people because we want to laugh. We want to have fun.

 

Rodney Olsen 

Oftentimes when we think of humor, and especially stand up comics, we're thinking questionable language and questionable subject matter but you prefer to stick with clean humor. I imagine that would give you a wider audience.

 

Jean Bailey Robor 

This is something else that I learned in comedy school. They said, you know, you can take a clean set, and you can always dirty it up, but it's really hard to take a dirty set that you've written, and clean it up. So we would start with the base of you know, let's write that clean set and that works so well, because there are a lot of corporate audiences that want comedians that will not hire them, if they're afraid they're going to say something on stage, you know, that offends somebody. And it's so it's so important that we learn those skills of creating the clean set so that we can use that anywhere and Rodney, you know, I decided early on that if I couldn't say something in front of my mama, then I wouldn't let it come out of my mouth on the stage. You know, and that's just sort of been the standard that I that I go by. So I've been asked to speak in churches and different places that I wouldn't have been asked to do if I had gone a different route. And for me that was just, it was the most normal thing in the world to say, hey, I want to be funny that I want to do it in such a way that it's good for all audiences,

 

Rodney Olsen 

What would be the strangest comedy audience you've had to face?

 

Jean Bailey Robor 

Okay, I don't know if you're familiar with Charlotte, North Carolina, but it's a great place for comedy because it does have the comedy zone there. A few years ago, they were doing what they called a Fringe Festival. This where was where a bunch of comedians got together. And we were assigned different places in the city to go at different times to share comedy. And you could be in a coffee shop, you could be in a bar, I mean, you know, you were just assigned like five or 10 minutes, something like that. I think it was five minutes. And so on that particular day I was assigned to a coffee shop, which that was my first time of stepping out into that situation. I had always given talks in the past. corporate world for civic organizations at the comedy zone, but not in a venue like a coffee shop. So when I did that, I got such a nice little response. It was a small audience and I thought, Oh, this is great. I can't wait to get to my to my next spot. Well, my next spot was actually in a bar. And I will tell you, it wasn't set up for comedy. There was not a stage. They did give me a microphone. But people were sitting at the bar drinking, they were conversing. They were, you know, paying attention to each other. The big screen TVs were own with sports. I mean, it was like the worst. I've never been in a place where I just felt so ignored, you know, but I found out later, that's kind of how it goes. Sometimes. You know, when we were like I said, we were just like, five minutes here, five minutes there, that for me, that setting that venue of being in a bar where everybody was, was paying attention to everything except for the person talking in the mic. You know, that was quite an interesting experience. And I realized that, you know, you still have to bring it whether your audience is there with you or not.

 

Rodney Olsen 

Was anyone paying attention that night?

 

Jean Bailey Robor 

Not very many. I think there were two people that came up to me afterwards. And they probably just felt sorry for me for being, you know, the comedian that was ignored.

 

Rodney Olsen 

I mentioned in the introduction that you do cover a wide range of interests. There's the comedy, there's writing and we'll talk about your book soon but there's also the fact that you're a fitness coach for those over 50. How did you fall into coaching?

 

Jean Bailey Robor 

Oh, I fell into this because I was in really bad shape. So I'll just let out a little secret. I'm actually 57 now and after I turned 50 You know, it wasn't like being in my 20s anymore. And I realized because I did have a job where I sat most of the day that it actually hurt when I had, you know, times on the weekend when I was doing things and on my feet for Well, and I thought, you know, I'm a little too young for this to be happening. Why does my body hurts so much? Why are my knees creaking? You know, why am I gaining this weight? And I started researching, you know, how can I, how can I make myself better because I believe strongly in getting your mind body and soul healthy, and I had let my body fall apart a little bit, you know, not in a bad way, but just not really being intentional about keeping it healthy. So I decided I was going to start walking, walking was the starting place. And I started doing that, but also realize something about myself, I have to self ... and this is true for everybody. We have to find ways to set ourselves up for success. And I knew if I told myself, you're going to get up at 6:30 every morning and go for a 30 minute walk, I might do it a couple of days, then I might miss a day. I needed to be accountable somebody that's how I need to work how I need to operate. So I created a group called fit after 50 and the company Have that group and the people that count on me to show up to walk with them, it became a habit. Now, if people don't show up, I'm okay with that I'm still going to show up anyway. But early on, I needed that encouragement, and I needed to be accountable to others. So now we have over 200 people in our group. Now, they don't all show up to walk, but they're hanging in there with an online Meetup group. And I'm putting out information about ways that we can get healthy after 50 and things that we can do. And in the past, I always had this perception that you had to be a certain shape in order to be fit that's not necessarily true. If you exercise if you eat right, you can just look at the stats like in your blood test that you get and say, Okay, look, from last year to this year, my cholesterol dropped this many points. And recently, I did have a wellness screening and it had it dropped by 20 points. And I was like, yeah, you know, so I can see the results and I feel the energy that I didn't used to have I feel younger at 57 than I did at 50. And it makes a difference, you know, and not just in how you feel physically. But how you feel mentally as well. You're not, you know, your mind can be sharper or sharp, and by the habits that you create, and by the way that you're intentional about bringing good health into your life.

 

Rodney Olsen 

Do you think we sometimes use age as an excuse? Do we start to believe that once we hit a certain age, it's all downhill, that our body beginning to fail is inevitable? So let's not try and fight nature?

 

Jean Bailey Robor 

I do. I do. And I think that's an easy way out, but it's a natural thing to do, it seems because we see other people giving those excuses, you know, and when I wrote my book, I was talking about getting past your excuses and realizing your dreams. And that's what it's all about, whether it's physical fitness or what have you. We do tend and as we age to say, Oh, I'm just getting older. That's why my knees are creaking. But I can tell you going up and down steps had been, I found myself in a lot of pent knee pain. And since I started working out and building muscles, I mean, that's almost negligible. Now, it's amazing the things that we can do that we don't even realize, because we do attribute it to, you know, I'm just getting a little older, this is what's happening. And I have come to realize through this whole journey, that when I find myself saying, Well, I'm getting older, then I stop myself now because I think, I believe I'm using that as an excuse, and that's not right. And I try to find a way Well, is it truly that, you know, this is an age thing? Or is this something I can either reverse or stop right here in the tracks? So, you know, I think we just again have to be very intentional about what we do. And even in what we say, I'm such a big proponent of, of the self talk that we give ourselves and to make sure that we don't beat ourselves up. I used to feel that I beat myself up a lot because I was listening to my negative self talk about why I couldn't do something or what was going on are those limitations I was putting on myself. But you know, once you get past that and you realize and you understand that, you know, you talk to yourself more than anybody else talks to you and what you bring into your mind, it just makes the biggest difference in how your day goes and and how your life goes.

 

Rodney Olsen 

I want to talk about your book now and as we've said, it's a book about people who have ignored the excuses or got past them in some way. Maybe you can give me a little bit of an understanding of what drove you to write the book in the first place.

 

Jean Bailey Robor 

When I first wrote the book, I didn't have a title for it. When I put the title on it. She Has a Big But: Get Past Your Excuses and Realize Your Dreams. I did that because I had always thought of excuses as being those big buts b - u - t that we put in our lives, right? And it just seemed to make sense when I put out the call for women to submit stories about challenges they had overcome. And I would read the stories and I thought Yes, she got past her big but and this is what it was, you know. So as as it came about it was a project that in the beginning I was just so passionate about. I mean, you know, we've all come through some stuff one way reach my my age. And so I know what it's like to feel so low and then to come back even stronger. And these were the stories that I was looking for. I didn't want to just put a book out with my story and and I wanted to have other people who would experience things that I had not to encourage the readers. So I reached out and I ended up with 15 stories that I call stories of hope. Some of those stories include a cancer diagnosis. Then I have a friend she was a black woman who grew up in Chicago and she explained how she overcame some prejudices and became a very successful business woman. There are two stories about fellow writers. They didn't really have the confidence that there they had the ability to write and then they found courage and confidence and they talked About that, there's a story about something that resonates with me a story about a woman who was really shy. And then, you know, just like my journey she she got past that and found her voice and now gives presentations to large audiences, at least when we're not affected by COVID. And then there was a story of a caregiver who was experiencing some burnout that was caring for her mom. And she found out how to better take care of herself in order to take care of others better. So she shares her story. And she impacts others who are in that same boat, you know, who are caring for other people. There's also a story about a woman who found a way to deal with anger. And then another one that experienced some domestic abuse you know, which happens way too often. That in the back of the book, I also have some resources that you know, you can read the stories of the women, but then you have resources that you can reach out to to find help if you need to. And I also have a little bit in there about how God can help us find our joy and peace because you know, I'm a person of faith. And I believe in that one of the most interesting stories that I really want to share with you today, Rodney, it didn't really come to me. I had to seek it out. And I don't know if, if you've heard of the movie, it was many, many years ago. It was called Lorenzo's Oil. Does that ring a bell?

 

Rodney Olsen 

Yeah, I don't believe I ever saw the movie, but I certainly do remember that title for sure.

 

Jean Bailey Robor 

Right. Right. So it starred Susan Sarandon and Nick Nolte, and they were playing the parts. It was a true story. And they played the parts of Augusto and Michaela Odone, whose son Lorenzo had a very rare disease, it was a dystrophy I'm going to call it ALD, because that's the acronym. It's a really long word that I would completely not be able to pronounce well, but it was based on their story that they had lived back in the 70s. Back in that time, there wasn't a lot of medical evidence on ALD and certainly not a cure. But the parents of this five year old boy were very tenacious they didn't have a medical background, but What they did have and what really impressed me and carried me through these years, you may still remember it was that they had an attitude that it was like a never give up attitude, and such a great love for their child, the movie, just, you know, it just moved me. And so I began reading all the stories that were submitted for my book. And I thought about this story about this movie that I'd seen, you know, the story of Lorenzo and how his mom had just completely dedicated herself to finding a cure. And I thought, Gosh, this would be a perfect story for a book about women who had overcome challenges to realize some success, you know, so I thought, wow, you know, I remember back when I when I saw the movie and how the medical community told them that that Lorenzo, who was five probably wouldn't live past 10 years old. That's just what happened in these circumstances, and that they should just keep him as comfortable as possible. And at this point, the parents had seen their son go from being a typical five year old, you know, lots of energy and everything to almost a vegetative state at times, you know, it was just heartbreaking. Through their efforts, he actually lived to be 30 years old, if they had been able to, you know, affect some type of cure before that he would have done better because they were able to help other children who early on had been diagnosed and then able to use this Lorenzo's oil this, this. I'm not even sure what it's called. But it was something that affects myelin because that's, that's one of the things that we have in our bodies that that wasn't right, and Lorenzo's body. So what they've done is they created this foundation that I found out later when I was doing my research. You know, these years later looking for the story for the book. They've created the Myelin Foundation and it promotes research to help find a cure for ALD for multiple sclerosis, and from some sort of other for some other leukodystrophy space. So you know, they're doing great work, right. So my dilemma now was How can I get mckaela odos story in my book, but fortunately now we're in the age of the internet. So, you know, I searched it and I found and heartbreakingly that she had passed away from cancer several years ago. But you know, I'm all about not letting these excuses hold and hold you back. Right? So I found that her husband gussto was still living. And I actually reached out to him. And I said, you know, this story really impacted my life. I remember seeing the movie when I was younger. I've read up on your model and foundation, I think it's great. Is there any way that I could use Michaela's story in my book to help encourage other people? And then I asked that question and I knew this question could either make or break the deal right? asked what would you like in return for allowing me to use the story? And then I kind of held my breath because Rodney, you know, I didn't know if he was gonna say well take about a million dollars. You know what I'm saying? All he wanted in return Rodney was a copy of the book. That's all he asked for. And I was just thrilled. I'm like, Oh my gosh, I'm really going to get this story in my book. So that was it. And as soon as I had a book in my hand, I went straight to my post office here in Burlington, North Carolina, mailed it to his home in Italy. It cost me 30 bucks, and it was well worth every penny. So I'm very thrilled to have that story in the book as well.

 

Rodney Olsen 

The story that you're describing there is of someone who's come up against obstacles and seeing tragedy in their life and yet, has overcome not just for themselves, but for other people. Did you find that that was a common theme with the women that you spoke to that once they overcame their own obstacles they went on to make the world a bit better for others as well?

 

Jean Bailey Robor 

Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah, it does seem and you've probably experienced this too. When you see somebody that's overcome any kind of obstacle in their own life. They almost seem passionate about helping others overcome similar circumstances. I remember I listened to one of your recent podcasts, Rodney, where you were talking to Cristabelle, about her brain injury, something that she said, really resonated with me. She said, if we wait until we're at 100%, before trying to make a difference or help other people, we might never do anything. And you know, when you talk about the women in this book, that's the thing. They didn't wait until they were 100% healed or 100% better from there, you know, ever come in those circumstances. As they found success. That's when they started to reach out. I just said, believe that. If there's anybody in your audience that that's going through a hard time, find ways intentionally take steps to set yourself up for success, whatever it is, whether it's in a relationship or career, whether you're overcoming some kind of physical problem. I mean, try to be the best you can be but don't wait to be the best you can be in order to reach out and help others because you can do it. As soon as you start to realize that success you can share with other people and bring them along in that journey.

 

Rodney Olsen 

I'm interested in the process of writing the book and how you gather the stories. You spoke about people submitting stories, what was actually the process of collecting those stories from the ladies who appear in the book?

 

Jean Bailey Robor 

Well, that's interesting because it kind of worked in a different way. I did put a word out on the internet and said, Hey, I'm writing this book. This is what it's about. If you want to submit a story, here's the email address. And I got several submissions that way. But there were others where I knew people personally and I thought all I know enough about their stories. I really want them to write a chapter for me. So I reached out to a few people and said, Hey, this is what's going on. Would you be willing to share your story? So that's what happened in many instances, but in other instances, people would submit their stories, and I tried to keep their voices within their chapters. You know, I would edit to some degree, but I wanted to keep it real and authentic in their own Words. So there was, there was very little that I've changed in the stories of some women, they would submit their stories and they're like, you know, I don't want to tell them my story to you. But I don't want anybody to know, this is me. So we changed the names. And I have a little disclaimer in there that some of the names on the stories have been changed, you know, just to, to make sure that we kept that on anonymity that they asked for,

 

Rodney Olsen 

For any of the women featured, qas there a sense of hey, how will my story help someone else? Why would my story mean something to anyone but me? Do they find it difficult to believe that others would want to hear about what they had overcome?

 

Jean Bailey Robor 

You know, in most instances, they were pretty eager to share. But yes, there there were some where, you know, they thought Why are you talking to me? What do I have to give and I and I hope and I truly believe that? That the ones that did the few that did feel that way, came away realizing that yes, they did have have an impact and a positive impact. There's one in particular. And she's, I wouldn't say shy, but she's sort of a quiet person. And she talked about her experience in overcoming overcoming alcoholism. And I'm not so sure that she truly believed what an impact it would have. But not long after I had order. You know, I had published the book. She asked if she could have several to give out at some talks that she was giving after that about her experience. And for me, that was just amazing. Because even I didn't realize To what degree you know, including 15 stories in this book, how far reaching it could be. It was like, Oh, yeah, I'm gonna put this book together and get it out to readers. But it's so much more than that. Because each one of these women have the potential of going out and touching other lives, and sharing the book and sharing their stories whether they share the book or not just sharing their stories. You never know whose life you're going to touch. I mean, I've had women come up to me, after talks before with tears in their eyes because they grasp a nugget of truth. That's truth for them that something that can change their life. And it humbles me, it truly does. I just can't. It's hard for me to even believe that God has allowed me to be on this earth to make a difference in even one person's life. But when I realized that I'm just so humbled by

 

Rodney Olsen 

Some of the stories, obviously are about women who have more or less climbed a mountain so to speak, they've struggled to overcome obstacles, but for some of them, there's healing required. Did you find that some found healing in sharing their stories?

 

Jean Bailey Robor 

Yeah, I think so. I haven't reached out to talk to them particularly about that. But just seeing where they where they've gone from here. You know, where they've gone from the day they submitted their story to when the book was published, to being able to share with their friends And family and and people that they speak to if they speak, I don't see how they could not see some type of healing because it truly does is it truly does make a difference when we get our stories out in the public to impact others. It doesn't just impact them, it impacts us as well. And I don't know if you've had that experience Rodney or not. But it's almost like a weight has been lifted off your shoulders, you know, like a burden has been lifted, because it's not just circumstances that are holding you down. But it's a freeing of those circumstances and stepping into that healing and walking through it and bringing others along with you.

 

Rodney Olsen 

The stories are incredible and you've already touched on some of the responses you've received. What's some of the feedback that you have received since publishing the book?

 

Jean Bailey Robor 

One of the most interesting things is and you know, we were talking about him earlier and how I didn't really have the title for it in the beginning, everybody seemed to embrace the title, they would say she has a big but, they would laugh and chuckle a little bit, you know, and we would talk about it. And I remember being at a at an event, and I walked by and one of the ladies who had submitted a story in the book was there. And when she saw me, she said, she just yelled across the room. She has a big but. You're the she has a big but speaker, you know, and we were laughing about it. And, you know, it was kind of funny, but I mean, it's, it's something that really sticks in people's minds and I think that's one reason why I like it so much because the stories in there I mean, there's one that's a little humorous, I'm not going to give it away right now. But um, most of them are pretty heavy. You know, most of them are pretty heavy. But when you think about it, and you realize that, you know, we, we do we tend to put these buts in our way, you know, we want to do this but we give our excuse. You know, I want to do this, but I didn't go to college. I can't do that. You know, things like that, when we get those buts out of the way and realize, hey, if I want to do this, if I have a passion about doing something, you can forge ahead and find a way. So I think when it comes to feedback, everybody loved the title they just did. They loved it even more than I did. Because in the beginning, I thought, you know, when people were finding it a little funny, I thought, this isn't really a funny book, you know, but it seems to work. I've appreciated all the all the feedback that I've gotten, and there are certain stories that resonate with certain people more than others. You know,

 

Rodney Olsen 

There are stories of external obstacles that needs to be overcome, but a lot of what you're talking about are sorts of obstacles that we put in our own way. How do we start to deal with that? How do we start to realize that we're sometimes our own worst enemy, and we're the ones creating the obstacles?

 

Jean Bailey Robor 

I think you really have to know yourself. You have to be aware of who you are, and what's in your heart. What is that dream that you almost been afraid to dream but you would love it if your life looked like that. Find a way to get there. Let's just take for instance, you know, all this going on, I don't know what it's like over there where you are. But here where I am, you know, we've been kind of locked down for a while, it seems like it's not exactly locked down. But early on when COVID-19 came to our country, and especially here in North Carolina, we were told, you know, go home work from home, that kind of thing. I was staying home or I was having groceries delivered, I wasn't going out too much. And I could have looked at that all that time that I was spinning at home as one of my big buts. Well, I really like to do this. But all the events were being canceled because you know, you're not going out into crowds anymore. Crowds aren't gathering anymore. So that could have been seen as a big but people have found ways to get around that. Like for instance, you know, we're having this conversation and we're miles and miles apart, right? So we found ways to do virtual presentations, even in the comedy world. There's been some comedian, friends of mine who have gotten together on Saturday nights and they've put together clips and they, they've shown them you know, it's like a comedy show, I mean things that we never dreamed of before. So we could have looked at this sheltering in place because of COVID as a big but but you know, there's some good things that that have come out of it. And I think if you look at your life that way, you know, you don't stop at that, but you might have a but there but you don't stop there. You know, you find a way around it if possible. If it's a true dream of yours. I don't know about you, but I'm a grandma. So I was missing my grandkids. You know, once I was sheltering in place, and I thought, Hmm, I don't really like this I don't like not being out there and, and giving them hugs and hearing them call me, me, me and all this stuff. So we would do some video chats and I thought, you know, after after a minute or two a video chatting, I mean, with my kids, it's one thing, but with four year olds, you know, they get bored after a couple minutes if you're not doing something fun. So I decided, I'm going to write some kids stories and I'm going to read These stories and I'm going to be animated on this video chat. And we had the best time. So now I have these three kids stories about a tiger and his friends. And I'm thinking about publishing a book with those in the air, you know, that never would have happened if I hadn't had this big, but that I got out of the way because I was sheltered in place at home. So, you know, good things can come out of what we see sometimes as a big but as a big excuse in our way. But if we just think kind of outside of the box, you know, to coin the phrase, just start thinking differently and being intentional about what we want to do. I've also started working on a book, it's actually a novel that set of course in the year 2020, because this is a crazy year. So you know, hopefully that'll work out as well. And then a couple years ago, I started on a fit after 50 book that I sort of put to the side so I've pulled that back out because you know, I have more time now. So what looked like something that could have shut me down and you know, kind of gotten in my way has really given me the chance to do some things that I just didn't have time to do before.

 

Rodney Olsen 

If you could go back and speak to that young woman in a fragile state after a bad divorce, sitting behind a desk at a lab and tell her that everything's going to be alright. How would that conversation go?

 

Jean Bailey Robor 

I think at that point, she was so fragile, to have me enthusiastically say, you just got to get past that, you know, you just got to get to the other side that would not have worked. You know, I think I would have had to help her see, that, you know, little by little step by step. You can live a better life. Maybe seeing the big picture like where I am today that might have scared that woman off you know, she would have been like, I can't ever do that. You know, but but just to come along slowly. First, it started with the self help book. That I was pouring good things into my mind. Through that I learned about self talk and how important that was, you know, so that was another step. There was a time where I really wanted to turn my back on my faith because of all the bad things that were happening. You know, it's easy to blame God when sometimes it's our own choices that put us where we are, right. And so I found a way to regain and reclaim my faith. And to me that strengthened to me as well. So it was little by little it was it was almost like baby steps leading up to where I where I was going. And I don't want to discourage anybody and say, it's going to take you years to go from here to there. Some people go, you know, you go at your own pace, but for me where I was, I needed to take the slow road, you know, I needed to take it little by little because I had so much junk inside of me to overcome. It wasn't gonna happen overnight. And that was okay. Because I think as long as we move forward, you know, that's how All we can do and sometimes it's like taking two steps forward and one step back. I mean, that's just how it works. Sometimes it kind of works that way with grief, too. You know, when you lose a loved one, you don't just continue to get better over time. Sometimes you have good days. And sometimes you have bad days where you just missed them so terribly, you know, so it's not something that you can say, here's the cookie cutter, you know, everybody that does this is going to get here. But there are steps that we all can take. And most of it really is just knowing who we are and where we are at the time, identifying what's holding us back, identifying that big but, and then trying to identify the steps it's going to take to get us on the other side of that,.

 

Rodney Olsen 

Jean, I'm going to put the details of how people can contact you in the show notes at bleedingdaylight.net but for those listening, if they did want to catch up with you online, where's the best place to go?

 

Jean Bailey Robor 

Okay, my website jeanbailyrobor.com is a good place to start. Also, you can find me on Facebook, LinkedIn, on Twitter at .... you know, my name is Jean Bailey Robor. Apparently I'm the only one in the world so it's not hard to find me.

 

Rodney Olsen 

Remember those details will be in our show notes at bleedingdaylight.net. Jean, it has been a tremendous opportunity to chat with you to hear about overcoming obstacles and I understand that we all have our own mountains to climb, but we can overcome them. There is hope. Thank you so much for being generous with your time on Bleeding Daylight.

 

Jean Bailey Robor 

Thank you, Rodney. It's been a pleasure.

 

Emily Olsen

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